If you've ever been molested and wondered 'why me?', we may just have the answers. Rashmi Deshpande talks to four women who were targeted and gets experts to tell you how to control and fight a violation in specific situations
I was groped while travelling in a taxi”Natasha Bhan, December 21, 2008, Mumbai
Natasha Bhan left her office at 8 pm in a taxi. She was texting a friend when the cab reached a signal at Byculla. Suddenly, she felt something yank at her clothes. A man had put his hand inside the cab and had tried to touch her chest. But where he had expected to find flesh, he had found cloth and the metal clasp of her suspenders. By the time she worked out what was happening, the signal turned green and the man ran off. She was too upset to tell the concerned cab driver what happened.
Three-point agenda for your defence
1. Be prepared
While travelling alone or late, roll up the windows of your vehicle completely or at least to a certain height. If you are travelling in a rickshaw, sit in the middle and keep your handbag on your lap. Stay alert. Reading a book or chatting on your phone can put you at risk.
2. Work on your reflexes
Self-defence teacher Randy Lahaie says on http://www.randylahaie.com/, that people freeze up either because of a lack of knowledge, a lack of training and/or a lack of self-confidence.The way to combat this is to educate yourself, prepare for situations and work on your reflexes. Playing Dodge Ball is known to improve reflexes. Video games also help improve concentration and sharpen reflexes.
3. Don’t let him get off easy
“Don’t just let things go. File a complaint at the nearest police station,” says Kirthi Jayakumar, founder of Elaan, an NGO, and a volunteer with Fight-Back, an organisation against gender violence. This man has practised his moves and may operate in the area. If the police get repeated complaints, they will be able to home in on him.
On the spot: If molested, Sunil Duggal, author of Women 24 Secure, says, “Hold your hand up and shout at the top of your voice: STOP!” It will startle your attacker and draw attention to him.
“The man next to me in the bus tried to touch me”
Asha Kini, February 19, 2007, Bangalore
Asha Kini was travelling alone in a bus from Bangalore to Belgaum. She fell asleep during the journey, but awoke with a start when she realised that the elbow of the man next to her was touching her waist. His eyes were closed, so she squeezed her own arm between his and her waist and sat uncomfortably at an angle. She dozed off again, but his arm was pressing more urgently against hers and this time, she didn’t think it was an accident.
Asha pushed it aside, but when it happened again, she poked him hard with a pin. The pervert finally got the hint and stopped.
Three-point agenda for your defence
1. Be more body-aware
Kirthi says protocol dictates that the man keeps his distance out of respect. If you are uncomfortable, she suggests you change your seat. If you ignore his behaviour, he may get bolder. Politely tell him to move away and keep his distance.
2. Ask the conductor to help
“The driver and conductor are the legal guardians in a transport vehicle and are responsible for your safety,” says Khadijah, “They can de-board passengers for inappropriate behaviour.” You can dial 100 or 109. The police will intercept the bus and make an arrest. “Moving vehicles do not have a jurisdiction,” says Khadijah, “so the police can take you to the nearest station to file the FIR.”
3. Befriend authority
Go up to people in uniform-police, bus conductors-and talk to them. Ask for directions you don’t need, or information you already have. It’ll give you the confidence to speak to people in uniform if the need arises.
On the spot: The violater is counting on your silence-don’t comply. Raise your voice against him.
“A local attacked me when I was trekking”
Swati Ali, June 25, 2006, Thane
Swati Ali was returning from a trek to Mahuli with friends when she fell behind from the group and was attacked by a local. He flung her down a cliff and when asked what he wanted, he pointed to her crotch. To buy time, Swati told him she’d give him money. When he tried strangling her, she pretended to be knocked out and gulped in air when his grip loosened. She was saved by fellow trekkers but got no help from them when she insisted on filing a police complaint (she was injured, so couldn’t go alone). When Swati called up the then rural DCP of Thane, Archana Tyagi, she admonished Swati for talking alone and terminated the call.
Three-point agenda for your defence
1. Stay safe
Kirthi suggests carrying a utility knife or pepper spray at all times, “especially if you are going to be alone in an unfamiliar place.”
2. Try to catch him unawares
“Target the attacker’s most vulnerable parts,” says Sunil. “For the eyes, use your fingers, nails or pepper spray. For the Adam’s apple, use your thumb, index finger and the middle finger. For the genital area, use your knee and if you are bold enough, grab and twist or yank hard enough to immobilise him.” Pretending to pass out may not always work as it may give your assailant time to overpower you, says Sunil. Instead, step back to give the impression that you are frightened, plan your move and then hit out at him.
3. Do the right thing-file a complaint
Not filing a police complaint will encourage the perpetrator to repeat his crime. Khadijah, an activist with the women’s organisation Jagori, says a call to 24-hour manned help lines such as 100 and 109 will summon a patrol vehicle. They will help you file the complaint. If the police refuse to co-operate, both Kirthi and Khadijah advocate approaching a women’s rights organisation. Khadija also suggests writing a letter detailing the incident and naming the police personnel who refused to register your complaint. Get it signed by an officer. Or send a registered AD (acknowledgement due) to the police station from the post office and go to court if they still refuse to file a case.
On the spot: If your attacker gets on top of you, and your hands are free, pull his hair with one hand and punch his Adam’s apple with the other.
“Not only was my rickshaw driver roaring drunk, but he was also misbehaving!”
Prutha Rajashirke, May 18, 2009, Mumbai
It was 9 pm and Prutha Rajashirke was on her way to her friend’s place from Andheri station in a rickshaw. Halfway through, the rickshaw halted at a signal and the driver started fidgeting with the meter. When Prutha asked what had happened and the driver replied, she realised that he was completely drunk.
He told her that in order to get the meter working again, she would need to lift her leg up and keep it on the meter wire. Prutha was wearing a dress and didn’t buy into his story. Not wanting to spend another second with him, she got out of the rickshaw and got into another one. The driver followed, shouting for his fare.
A crowd gathered and she told them what had happened. The driver did not dispute her story. Sensing that the crowd was about to turn violent, Prutha threw the money at the driver and left. Later, she wished she had filed a complaint with the police.
Three-point agenda for your defence
1. Act confidently
“Assertiveness and confidence are key,” says Sunil. “Look him straight in the eyes. Most aggressors would leave a woman alone if they felt she was unafraid to fight back.” Don’t get aggressive, as he may think that you are challenging him.
2. Deal with the crowd
Sonali Khan, communications director of Breakthrough, an international human rights organisation, says there are ways to control a crowd. “You need to keep the situation under control and avoid inflaming the gathered public,” says Sonali, “In that sense it is critical to guide them to do the right thing. Don’t let them take the law into their own hands.” If the man is beaten up, Kirthi says that he may have vengence on his mind and he is likely to take it out on someone else.
Identify your supporters in the crowd. If someone is helping you, make eye contact with them, acknowledge and talk to them. Ask them to look for a policeman-make them act proactively. Remember to ask for their name and number, so you can call up if a witness is required by the police as well as to thank them for their help.
3. Do the legal thing
Take down the the driver’s licence number as well as the registration number of the vehicle. Then, with the support of the crowd, file an FIR against the man. Ensure that you take a copy of the FIR. Also ensure that details such as the man’s address, appearance, etc have been included in it.
On the spot: There is no point arguing with a drunken aggressor. Your first priority is to get out of the situation safely before it becomes violent. You may be quaking inside, but do not let your aggressor see this. Keep your movements deliberate and precise, and leave the scene as soon as you can. If you are attacked, push the man and run. He is likely to lose his balance if he is drunk. Yell, shout and create a scene to draw attention and help.
-With inputs from Smriti Lamech & Sabiha Ghiasi
COURTSEY: Femina
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